Which program-building demigod turns 68 today?
No, not Canadian supermodel Linda Evangelista, "Kenan & Kel" star Kenan Thompson or Bono.
No, they turn 45, 32 and immortal, respectively, today.
We're talkin' bout Cal. MO-FO COACH CAH-AL.
It was 68 years ago today that James C. Calhoun -- what's the C. stand for? Probably "care-giver" or "I'll cut you if you look at me cockeyed, boy" -- was birthed in a hospital, likely made of solid gold, in Braintree, Mass.
In the time since, Cal has only won two national championships, reached three Final Fours, put a zillion players in the NBA, cured male-patterned baldness, destroyed the cure for male-patterned baldness to show bald men everywhere that you can maintain your fine coif purely by striking fear in the heart of every follicle, beat cancer a zillion times and acquired severals dimes to keep in a massive Scrooge McDuck-like vault and not distribute to the masses.
So let me be one of the many, Coach, to wish you a very merry 68th.
(Now please go call Andre Drummond. kthanks.)