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Happy Birthday, Coach Cal

Which program-building demigod turns 68 today?

No, not Canadian supermodel Linda Evangelista, "Kenan & Kel" star Kenan Thompson or Bono. 

No, they turn 45, 32 and immortal, respectively, today. 

We're talkin' bout Cal. MO-FO COACH CAH-AL. 

It was 68 years ago today that James C. Calhoun -- what's the C. stand for? Probably  "care-giver" or "I'll cut you if you look at me cockeyed, boy" -- was birthed in a hospital, likely made of solid gold, in Braintree, Mass.

In the time since, Cal has only won two national championships, reached three Final Fours, put a zillion players in the NBA, cured male-patterned baldness, destroyed the cure for male-patterned baldness to show bald men everywhere that you can maintain your fine coif purely by striking fear in the heart of every follicle, beat cancer a zillion times and acquired severals dimes to keep in a massive Scrooge McDuck-like vault and not distribute to the masses. 

So let me be one of the many, Coach, to wish you a very merry 68th.

(Now please go call Andre Drummond. kthanks.)