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Five swell minutes with Coach Cal

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Here's a clip I just stumbled upon of Coach Cal on PTI's five good minutes from Thursday.

For your viewing pleasure, I've added the snide remarks I'd make if I was watching it with you after the jump. (Time corresponds to time in the video, not on the PTI clock.)

.26: I didn't realize having a Boston accent also prohibits you from pluralizing.

.40: So that's how his wife gets him in the mood.

.50: Not sure when they added intimidation to the list of NCAA stats. If so, that geeky kid from the Little Giants would be leading the league right now.

.52: So I guess PTI isn't live, huh? OK, so here's the beauty of having a chit-chat with Coach Cal that most don't get to experience. He has a bit of a tendency to, you know, ramble on from time to time. And in these ramblings, he tends to -- how do I put this ... not make any sense. My guess is he started comparing Thabeet to someone from his championship teams. Guessing Ricky Moore gives you about a 35 percent chance of being right, so let's go with that.

.56: I don't think "definitive force" is a phrase, but we'll go with it.

1:04: "Thabeet is really, really good defensively. ... Oh yeah, he plays offense too, I think."

1:15: Wait, that's fun? Since when?

1:23: I think Calhoun just came. Did someone from UConn's PR staff feed Wilbon that question? I'd also like to point out I didn't watch this all the way through before doing this. You could say I'm pretty much a prophet.

1:56: "He kind of reminds me of tall people that used to be good at basketball."

2:21: Oh, Jim. You slay me.

2:29: Obligatory subtle recruiting pitch.

2:40: What did he just say about shrubbery?

2:54: I'm bored. More far-fetched comparisons.

2:60: Another Calhoun-ism: "Quite Frankly." He and Stephen A. must be bros. Which, as you know, ALWAYS come before hoes.

3:35: Silly Catholics and their voodoo calculations.

3:48: What they cut out: "... Know who took it at you? Donny Marshall. Not to be confused with Donyell Marshall, who really worked hard on the boards. But no one cut the hedges like Bobby Hurley. Wait -- I don't think I coached him. ... What was I talking about again? Oh, right -- taking it to the rim."

4:10: Another Calhoun-ism: He doesn't really understand the concept of dates. So I think he's talking about 2006, not 206. Could be wrong, though.

4:17: "In case you didn't hear me the first few times, we have approximately 70 players in the NBA."

4:32: Shouldn't he be coaching practice right now? Don't give Blaney too much time with them, Jim. I love me some Blane, but I don't want any of his sub-.500ness rubbing off on the team.

End: Man, those are some pearly whites. He's gotta be using chrest white strips or something.