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You'd think water wouldn't faze them

Merchant Marine graduate, class of 2005

Merchant Marine graduate, class of 2005

If I were Bill O'Reilly, this would qualify as the most Ridiculous Item Of The Day. (Disclaimer: I am not Bill O'Reilly, though I do think Al Franken is a tard.) But check this out:

The Merchant Marine Academy in Kings Point, N.Y. was all set to travel to the Bronx to take on the SUNY-Maritime, the apparently state-run maritime academy, in a non-conference Division III men's basketball game Tuesday night.

Now, it's not so ridiculous that SUNY-Maritime is in the Bronx (the Harlem River is, of course, an invading navy's No. 1 target).

What makes this story so giggle-worthy is that the game never did happen.

And why is that?

The game was postponed due to water in the Privateers gymnasium.

Apparently the players were mystified by this clear, moist substance that they had never seen before.

I mean...wha?

This is the D-III equivalent of Duke canceling a game on account of too many goofy white guys. The equivalent of USC football canceling a game because of hot cheerleaders.

I mean, really? These guys will eventually have to worry about transporting troops inside a war zone, and they're worried about H2O in a gym?

I fear for our national security, in the event that the Germans ever get their dreadnoughts back.

(Hey, as my ChristmasThanksgiving present to you, State of the Big East returns Thursday! Only without the football. You'll see.)