Report: Your Mom is a Hoya
Further study is being conducted into if your grandmother was, in fact, an eagle.

Study: John Thompson III is fat and bald
No one denies this.

Syracuse unlikely to make the NIT
Thanks in large part to UConn taking a dive to help out their conference mates, Syracuse is expected to once again make the NCAA tournament.

Jim Boeheim refrains from eating children for third consecutive day
Despite reports that the Syracuse coach regularly consumes the bodies of young children in a misguided attempt to reclaim his youth, a vigorous investigation has been unable to prove that Boeheim has actually consumed live human babies in the past 72 hours. However, the large collection of small femurs on his back porch indicates that deeper investigation may be required.