For legal reasons, make sure you insert "allegedly" before every appropriate part of the chorus. Otherwise: RIP IT, HALFORD!

Junior defensive end Marcus Campbell was mysteriously suspended from the UConn football team last week.

Here's (probably) why:

STORRS -- One week after being suspended from the UConn football team, defensive end Marcus Campbell  was arrested by campus police for stealing a laptop. The 22-year-old was arrested Monday outside an academic building on campus on an outstanding warrant for fifth-degree larceny.

Campbell is accused of taking a backpack that did not belong to him on Sept. 29. The backpack contained a laptop computer and other items that police say were valued at a total of $876.

Ahhhh. Brings back the memories, don't it?